I spent the majority of my childhood trying to understand myself, trying to figure out who I am, what I’m into, and not into, what I like and don’t like, what kind of person I am, and am not.
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I felt so confused all the time because none of it really resonated with me.
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I didn’t like to pick one thing over another.
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I felt troubled expressing anything that started with “I am…” when I had conversations with people.
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I was often the one who stood in the stance of the conversation and observed rather than participate in the “tug of wars” of who’s way is better than the other.
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Then what happened was I thought I had to start filling that empty space of being no one and a “nobody” with content…
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I thought I had to start saying thing about who I am so that I can fit in.
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So that people can have a sense that I am “someone” and not a “nobody” with no content.
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And it was uncomfortable every damn time I said anything about myself.
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I started identifying myself with all sorts of external perceptions. When in fact it wasn’t really true.
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I simply said it because that’s what I thought was expected.
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And most of them time I just repeated what I had heard from others that I associated as being the most acceptable way.
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The deeper I went in to my lies, the more painful it felt.
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I lost myself in the debts of it.
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And when the pressure got so painful, I eventually popped my ego cherry 😂
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And since I’ve been on this self exploration journey, I start to clearly see that in fact I was already in the right place.
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Because I am not the content of my life, I am not my past or my future, I am not my life story, I am not my identities, I am not my roles, I am not my thoughts or emotions, in fact I am nothing more nothing less than “I am”
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The rest is noise.
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Now here’s the secret behind all of this, when you get to the space of nothingness, understanding that the entirety of the content of your life doesn’t represent anything about who you are, you get to be anybody and anyone you choose to be.
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All that you need is inside of you and you start to discover it when you shine the light in the right direction.
Who We Really Are
